|
Dear parent, therapist, educational consultant, concerned friend, For five years, I desperately fought to keep my daughter safe. She began having difficulties when she was eleven. And those difficulties persisted for five years. My nightmare included her making suicide gestures, running away, stealing, defying all house rules, cutting school, and acting out sexually. If you have found your way to this web page, the chances are great that you have been impacted by A STRUGGLING TEEN. As someone who has "walked in your moccasins," I want to offer you my personal experience, my training as a Marriage Family Therapist, and most of all, my heart. In between my daughters terrifying episodes, I felt depressed, helpless, resentful and ashamed. Life became one futile response after another. Perhaps one of my greatest burdens was the anger and resentment I developed towards her and towards her father. For years I felt ashamed and thought myself an inferior human being. I was guilty of not loving my daughter. I obsessed over the past and feared the future. If I could successfully extinguish her fires, then, just maybe, I'd get my life back. And after a while, I stopped talking to friends and colleagues about what I was going through. It was too embarrassing. DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? Have you been there? Are you still going through it? If so, I hope to be serve you. Together we can shave away the stone of isolation, shame, rage and victimization. Within these web pages I share my experiences and invite you to share yours. My writing may be excerpts from my recently published book, "Wake Up Call." |
|
Writings by myself and contributions of visitors are a regular feature of this site. To share your response, email me" The following is an excerpt from my recently released book, Wake Up Call.You may order this book by contacting www.xlibris.com www.boosurge.com www.amazon.com Through the glass door leading to the garden, I watched the rain splatter onto the mossy bricks. Having left the window slightly open, I was enjoying the cool breeze and the pungently fresh smell of rainfall. I turned my phone on to receive calls, placing it next to me on the beautiful, Navajo-blanket chair that my husband, Mark had made for me in his upscale furniture business. The harsh ringing of the phone jolted me out of my soporific state. Mary Simms, head counselor at my teenage daughter's therapeutic boarding school was on the line. Mary's manner was terse and to the point. "This is Mary Simms from Hansens. Ellen is fine, but she's swallowed laundry detergent. She's on the way to Ralston Medical Center's emergency room right now. Milliseconds passed and then anger cracked my stupor. Feeling like putting my fist through the glass door in front of me, I blurted, "That little shit. God damn her. How did this happen?" I flashed back in my mind to the day three
years ago, when Ellen walked down the stairs from our third floor
flat and knocked on my office door. I was surprised to see her,
and the look on her eleven-year-old face alarmed me. She was
pale and close to tears. "Mom, I just took thirty two Tylenol.
I'm scared. Forty-five minutes later, I was sitting on an emergency-room hospital bed watching Ellen swallow glass after glass of thick, black liquid tar made me want to puke. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. My usually strong muscles turned flaccid and my dazed mind shut itself off from the enormity of Ellen's act. "A MOTHER AND CHILD" By Lisa M. Jander Once upon a time, a Woman carried in her womb a miracle of God. She had all the expectations and dreams that are normal for new mothers. When her child was born, She promised God and herself that she would do everything possible to protect, teach, and love this baby forever. The future was a wide-open space of possibilities. The mother held her infant and walked toward a light of knowledge and love. As the infant grew, a toddler began to walk and hold his mothers hand in their journey. She would teach the toddler right from wrong, good from evil, and to love not hate. The child would delight with mothers approval, and cry at her disapproval. Hand in hand they walked along the path of life. The child would let go momentarily from the mothers hand to explore the not so light world around. But, with gentle coaxing, would soon return for guidance from her. Time has a way of changing a small child to a headstrong pre-teenager with thoughts straying from the expectation path and dreams of that young mother several years before. Now the pre-teen will let go of the mothers hand and stumble in the darkness over obstacles of emotion and rage while the mother must encourage the pre-teen to leave the darkness and join her hand once again to proceed in the path of light, love, and knowledge. Taking much persuading, the mother continues with her guidance, support, and love. Then the final phase of a full-fledged teenager arrives almost without warning. They hardly know the mother with the outstretched hand, who is calling them back to the path of light. They wander more in the darkness now than in the light. The mother knows her child could be dealing with such obstacles as danger, violence Strangers, drugs, and bad choices that can affect the child's young adult life. She begs the child, "Please come back to me", but the child does not hear her, or doesn't want to hear her. The mother does the only thing she can think to do while the child is oblivious to her pleading. She starts to cry a trail of tears on their journey of life. These tears show a dim ambient lighting for the child. This is the only thing she knows. Maybe the child will see the faded light and someday make the long struggle back from the darkness the teenager has become accustomed to. This is certainly not what she had wanted or dreamed for the two of them so long ago. It wasn't in her plans to ever have the child let go of her hand and find the dark of sadness and evil obstacles that were far away from her. So, she cries child, she has somehow through the years and tears, realized that one must go through the darkness to get to the light. So now, with fewer tears and a lot of patience and encouragement, the teenager sees that the mother is not just crying to light the way anymore. She is giving the opportunity for self-expression with the patience of listening and allowing the teen to make mistakes even sometimes falling over the problems that the darkness brings. The mother will still be waiting there in the path of light and love without stretched hand to welcome the teen back anytime it gets to be too much to handle on their own. The love of a mother knows no bounds, but as life unveils the unexpected, the boundaries will fade in and out. The child will go through struggles and the sorrow of bad decisions and happiness and joy of good decisions in life all on their own. It is because they will choose their own path. It is not because the mother has succeeded or failed or even almost given up but, because she loved that child enough to let go. "RELEASING" [The following item moved me and I wanted to share it with you. The author is unknown. -- Judy] By releasing the people you love, you become truly loving. It instantly communicates to them that they are their own souls, that you respect and honor them in the deepest sense, even if releasing them means they will no longer be part of your life. Taking the first step in releasing them may be terrifying for you, but the peacefulness that you gain when you release your hold on others is awesome. It makes life seem effortless. It is the beginning of knowing that the only thing you can control is your own perception of life-it is the foundation of true love. -- Anonymous
|
||||
