Has your attention remained focused on a difficult or troubling relationship, a dear one's life threatening (or disabling) illness, or parenting a troubled teen? If so, whether or not life's tide has already changed, having been pummeled by those big waves, you may now be experiencing chronic and mood altering stress. That stress can be experienced as anxiety or depression. You might be having a hard time "getting off the starting blocks" and back into life. And THAT is terribly disappointing-kind of like getting the flu while on vacation.

You also discover, that, your life feels empty. And like a garden gone to seed, there's lots of weeding, tilling and planting to do, but it's hard to find the energy to garden. Even reading a good novel, or planning a small dinner party feels effortful. This is not the YOU that you remember. And you're frustrated.

For quite a while, the threads of your life were intricately woven into someone else's well-being. And now you have to unravel that weaving and focus on yourself. Your life seems oddly foreign. You haven't lived in the "home" called "you" for quite a while.

You can't fill your cupboards with what you used to enjoy, and you don't know where to go shopping for new passions. It's not easy to face, but you acknowledge to yourself that you feel "socially retarded."

The journey "home" requires "patient accountability." You set little achievable goals for yourself. Maybe it's to exercise daily, or meet a friend for dinner once a week. Each time you take one of those mini-steps, you feel a little more in integrity with yourself. Even if you don't fully accomplish your goal, even if it wasn't particularly satisfying, you feel happy-- you know you're learning how to be true to yourself.

You find the capacity to be "patient" with yourself. Most likely you won't rebuild your life in days, weeks, or even months. While watchfulness and obsessive thinking characterized your days, you struggled to feel in control. Within the practice of "patient accountability," slowly but surely, you find new (or renewed) capacity to let time and life work in your favor.

No longer micro-managing every anxiety driven moment, you can float downstream for a while. Life itself has become a "scavenger hunt" filled with unexpected delights (and booby prizes, too)

Your life may still look like Swiss cheese, nonetheless it's tasty and nourishing. You continue to be "patient". You continue to be "accountable". Some mornings you sprint off those starting blocks. And on other days, you go to work, watch TV and pray for a good night's sleep.

Rebuilding your life isn't a project to get an "A" on. Instead, you relieve yourself of any and all pressure to "do it right". You put one foot in front of the other and direct a little kindness towards yourself. Then, one day, you wake up and realize, feeling both relief and gratitude, that you're not missing YOU anymore. You're home.